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an email i sent to my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Awesome Media' started by zero, Feb 11, 2005.

  1. zero

    zero OMG Member

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    an email i sent to my girlfriend

    because i didnt hear from you yesterday i shall now
    build an army an army of loyal star wars fans and we
    shall call ourselves the jedi knights then i shall
    kill them all and become darth vader and many planets
    shall suffer my wrath and the wrath of my death star
    because the emporor told me too and when i finally
    catch those bastard dolphins they will pay for their
    douchebaggery and stealing my girlfriend cause i know
    it was them i can see it in thier eyes when i feed
    them the posion tuna of death they want you all for
    themselves but i will strike down upon them with great
    vengance and furious anger all the pulp fiction quotes
    i know and maybe even a few from scarface and the
    people will call me al pachino but i want to be known
    as king richard like the other guy with my name that
    was played by sean connery in that stupid kevin cosner
    movie about the gay robin hood what a stupid guy he is
    why can he not see that his movies suck i will be
    forced to shoot him with my peanut butter gun and he
    gets no jelly just a bunch of marshmellows cause they
    are better tasting than stupid squids who have nothing
    better to do than plot against me with the gay
    dolphins and the pirates i robbed last week for thier
    stupid gold that i traded for a rocket ship that shall
    carry me to the moon where i will then rule with an
    iron fist of death and i shall convert it into a
    nightclub where guys can go and listen to frank
    sinatra without fear of chinese oppression or the cops
    coming to tell us to keep it down or guys we dont like
    showing up or people who have three eyes thinking they
    see more than i do and then my triumphant return to
    earth shall be long talked about amongst the dodger
    and laker fans but the patriot fans shall rue the day
    i made thier team a girl team and watch them get beat
    alot and be happy and kobe shall be thier quarterback
    and i shall finally have my revenge for him ruining my
    team and your home state of texas shall try to take me
    on but it will be a short lived revolt that i crush
    with extreme prejudice and thier allies in oklahoma
    too will be sad and i will build a great amusement
    park dedicated to pablo escobar and peter parker cause
    spiderman is cooler than any dolphin and then i will
    change my name to sergeant and lead my troops into
    battle against the french because they often feed the
    dolphins and try to play nice with them so they are
    enemys of my kingdom that and the fact that they cant
    win a war and they claim credit for fries which are
    not french at all but in reality came from pluto i
    brought them home from my last trip and got no love
    for it so fuck mcdonalds but burger king is alright
    but fuck them too because they stole my idea for bieng
    king and they shall pay like the dolphins and the
    french and the patriots and texas and oklahoma and the
    people on the moon and then i shall win an oscar

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