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Recon [ another short story ]

Discussion in 'Awesome Media' started by Davidk, Jan 25, 2005.

  1. Davidk

    Davidk OMG Member

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    Recon [ another short story ]

    Here it is, it's unedited, so be gentle on the comments about grammar and the like, but be harsh on the plot and if you think I could turn it into a nice short story, :)

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    Recon
    Author: David A. Kauzlaric



    ?ATTEN HUT? howled the Lieutenant, ?Captain on deck.? Within a second almost all of the men in the briefing room we?re standing at attention, their hands placed at a slight angle above their eyebrows, to signify a salute. Seal Team 6 remained at attention until the Captain finally said ?As you were?, the men sat back down. They just got back from doing a 36 hours reconnaissance mission in the Syrian Desert which is located approx. 150 miles west of Baghdad. At the moment they were located at Fort Lukita, named after the famous 3 star general which helped win the war against the native Indians in the French and Indian war.

    Fort Lukita, currently resides outside of Baghdad a small fort that runs reconnaissance missions in the surrounding areas. Seal Team 6 is responsible for hostage extraction, target elimination and reconnaissance in the Baghdad area. They just returned from a mission there which involved planting state-of-the-art wires and bugs inside of the Al Diteshet headquarters, which is thought to be closely connected with Osama Bin Laden. The team just arrived back at the fort, to find they had to go out on another mission, without getting any sleep.

    The men were eager to know what was so important that they couldn?t get some sleep, or clean up at the very least. The Captain began by saying ?Men, I am sorry that you haven?t had any time to rest, or clean up. Command has informed me that there is a potential threat to the President who will be visiting here later this week. Your objective is to eliminate the target, he will be traveling to Baghdad tomorrow morning at 0900, you will setup camp here, you will have 4 hours to setup your positions, and plan the assassination. Once target is confirmed, and then taken out, you will retreat to waypoint Bravo; await extraction via helicopter at 2100 hours. Any questions??



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    All I have so far, tell me what you think.
     
  2. Pyro

    Pyro OMG Member

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    Sort of hard to to say anything before it's finished. So far, I like what you're going, it's got potential, but personally I think the introduction could be done better to grabt he readers attention. The intial "hook" is sort of weak. It doesn't really spark too much interest and it seems almost dull. I'm not too sure though, someone else might have a different opinnion
     
  3. OP
    Davidk

    Davidk OMG Member

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    Yeah!

    That is what I was thinking, but couldn't put a finger on it. I think I should start off with them in a battle.

    Other than that, do you think it's ok so far?
     
  4. zero

    zero OMG Member

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    maybe it should be someone other than the president, like maybe an attack on an Iraqi official, maybe an iraqi president.

    Maybe the last paragraph should convey more of the seals toughness. You should definately touch on the fact they haven't gotten sleep or food, but make it seem like thats not even a concern to them. The captain should prob be a sergeant, and maybe be a bit tougher. The word "sorry" is not in a seals vocabulary.

    I do like the basic premise of the story though, and will be reading to see where your gonna take this.
     
  5. OP
    Davidk

    Davidk OMG Member

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    Today is the day where I will write! :)

    I am actually going to base this story kind of around what is really going on over there, with the upcoming elections, etc.. :)

    I'll post more later.
     
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