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The Steel Love Affair [ Final Version]

Discussion in 'Awesome Media' started by xoyoungdreamerox, Mar 9, 2005.

  1. xoyoungdreamerox

    xoyoungdreamerox OMG Member

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    The Steel Love Affair [ Final Version]

    The Steel Love Affair
    By: S.B. [xoyoungdreamerox]

    Olividar came bursting througfh the door having given him a few moment s to recoil from his anger. " Suchi!" She called crying out as she tore through the door stopping several hundred feet from him in her castle huge training arena. " Suchi whatever I said that upset you I'm sorry I didnt mean it! Ple- please forgive me my darling... Are- are you ok?" Her gaze on him focused sharpening to see what couldn?t be seen with normal eyes. " Suchi- I- I am truly sorry. Suchi-cakes what IS wrong with you?"

    Olividar sighed heavily, calling her white magic to her in the form of long flowing strands of power. Soft waves of silver and light flowing through her as her long silver curls flowed down her back in soft waves. Suchi... Her lips parted as if to say the words, as she looked over at the metallic creature taloned hands fighting a violent war deep within himself. Her heart broke for him. Her devotion and love for him running deep. Just a little longer my love, I will save you from your suffering and sorrow. I will sweep you from the depths of your pain and despair and clean you anew as a new creature; a creature without darkness. I will banish the darkness from you, and possibly even destroy the darkness just for you. I will treasure you Suchi-Cakes, for as long as you will allow me.

    Olividar looking in horror at the black and silver dragging that lay curled up in a tight ball, taloned hands tightly gripping his head as he writhed in pain, fighting a fight deep within himself. He raised his large head to staring directly into the blue-green eyes of his mistress not seeming to really see her. He was obviously hurting. In some sort of imaginable pain and suffering, she pursed her lips, reaching out for him, as if she could bridge the several hundred feet of the arena between him with the mere touch of her hand.

    " Suchi- Suchi your hurting aren?t you? You're in pain, I wont let him get you I promise." She placed a kiss to the three fingers between the pinky and thumb of both hands, a snarl parting the beautiful, full, rose pink lips that made up her mouth. "Whatever you are I wont relinquish my bodyguard and slave to you." Her hair blew about her face in an uproar, the smallest display of her vast, endless, amount of power.

    " I may not know all of the powers and spells that I did in my past lives, but I will destroy whatever dares to threaten my guard! I will obliterate you without showing mercy or kindness! I will show know mercy to darkness or hate." A soft white glow began to spread from thumb to pinky on each hand her lips closing to purse close, before opening to utter another threat. " I will destroy you you bastard. I will break every bone in your body and use them as toothpicks you son of a bitch!!!" A storm arose around her at her command, as if she had called it up with nothing more than her thoughts. The wind picked up, sped up almost turning into a tornado, a sign of her deep relentless fury at the thing that would make Suchi suffer so.

    Suchi slowly began to shift, lifting his head weakly once more eyeing his mistress. ? Mistress? Why are you here? Please forget what you see hear and leave. Leave, go somewhere where it is safe. Please Mistress- I beg of you.

    She took a step forward as if suspended in midrun. " Suchi! Suchi I wont leave you! I wont! Please- please just believe in me. I love you, I love you and you never even let me close, so please- just this once- have faith in me. She watched as his gaze went from silver to black, snarling at the change. She knew enough to notice minor differences when some other creature or thing was taking control of another person body.

    " Why you- " She broke off into several ill tempered, unladylike, vulgar, and disrespectful things in her language at the damnable thing that dared take over her slave. " Oh- You!" She barely managed to get the words out before uttering another string of foul words at the dragon. Her hair began to darken to the color of black, and her lovely gaze changed from blue-green to black, then to red.

    A red gown began to form on her shapely figure, but she began to fight her anger. No. No. I will not succumb to my own darkness, to fight darkness I must use light not darkness. She struggled to find a calm, soothing center deep within herself and tried to hum a song her Mother used to sing to her as a baby. She slowly started to lighten in hair color from, red, to black, to the normal blue-green color of her eyes. Her hair went from it's oily coal black to its normal silver curls, and her lips went from blood-red to their normal rose-pink coloring

    Suchi tilted his head to the side black eyes fixed on the silver haired maiden that stood before him. He burst into mirthful chuckles as words as slick as oil parted from the dragons mouth. ? Now, now, now, temper, temper my silver-haired darling. What a temper you have my radiant and foolish little girl. The darkness that lies with in your soul intrigues me little one, the hate and possess will make your soul a tasty treat for me my fair haired maiden.? Suchi?s lips parted in a sudden roar as his eye color teetered between silver and black. ? Mistress Run! Run and be safe! Leave so that I can continue so that I can continue to protect you. GO! NOW!!!

    ?Allow me to introduce my self you blundering moron. You are nothing in the chaos of my wake. I am the daughter- no the abomination of the gods, their own true shame. I have the power to weld the sword of chaos, the four soul swords: Soul Destroyer, Soul Eater, Soul Stealer, and Soul Reaver as well as the Elemental Sword of Death.? She chuckled, the musical sound coming from deep in her throat.

    " I am several life times old, about ten to be exact. This mortal body is 134 years old, but I myself am roughly 2,000 in spirit. You fool. You dare to call the daughter of the Goddess of Souls a little girl? I am Queen Olividar Marie Anne Vesmere. Daughter of Manahof and Vreel, Neice to the goddess of love, and you dare refer to me as a "little girl?" I see only one fool here, and it is you. I supposed I do anger quickly when you push my buttons, but that doesn?t mean that I act foolishly when in a rage. You are a fool for underestimating your enemy before you even know what skills she has you moron. Do you have any last words before I utterly destroy you?" She smirked, falling to her knees.

    " Mother, Aunt Liliala, please help me.? She prayed. ?Please help me fight back this darkness without causing serious harm to Suchi. Please bless me with your knowledge and make me your vessel for the working that lies ahead of me. Pray for me Mother, Auntie. Be with me in the depth of my need." As she prayed, the glow of her fingers completely encompassed her hands as she placed her hands together, palms flat against each other in a prayer stance in front of her face. " I love you Suchi, and I will never leave you." She mused. " I will always stay close to your side." She chuckled to herself, and then began concentrating, pulling energy within herself slowly calming the storm before getting to work.

    Suchi) Suchi got to feet, his massive head rising above the rest of him flexing his claws a grin splitting his face as he took a few steps forward toward the young goddess that he fully intended to kill and devour. ? Your friend, he has quite a good bit of spunk in him for the weakling that he is. It seems to me that his need to protect you overrides everything else in him, even the pain I?m causing him.? The black-eyed question raised one clawed finger and shook it at her as if scolding her for doing a naughty thing.

    ? And look at you my pretty little princess. You are too stubborn and mull headed to head his warning like a clever girl. No- instead you sit here as if you seriously intend to do battle with me, me, the very thing that it tends to bring about your death in the most horrible way. I admit the your boasting to use your toys on me is quite amusing. I should keep you around long enough to watch your pathetic attempts to use weapons you have no clue how to use. My sweet, beautiful, lovely, little fool.?

    The steel dragon?s eyes changed to silver for, but a moment as he fell to his knees. ? Mistress, please please, please leave. Forget me and everything that is me, move on and forget you ever had a bodyguard by the name of Suchi. I am not worthless and not worth the risk you so stubbornly insist on taking. Please?? Suchi stared deeply into her eyes his pain evident their depths.

    She calmly ignore Suchi for the moment, continuing to gather energy within herself, removing her hands from their prayer stance and cupping them together out in front of herself. Silently, prayer energy gathered around her, swirling in a bright silverly light as she bowed her head, the light continuing to glow brighter and brighter before her head suddenly shot up. Her eyes sharp, with a faint dark light to them, she stood gracefully to her feet, gown blowing softly about her ankles. " I am not- nor will I ever be afraid of darkness, for I am the ruler of darkness and light and I will destroy you like a flame snuffed out by fingers. You are naught, but a flame and I am the fingers that will destroy you. " She took a step toward the nuisance that was irritating her, before she began walking more confidently to Suchi and the darkness he fought so hard to shield her from. " Don?t fear Suchi, I will protect you this time."

    The dragon directed beautiful silver eyes towards his mistress and unfathomable sadness reflected in his gaze. ?Mistress,? He begged once again. ? Please leave, no one has fought this darkness and lived to tell about it.? He swung the spade of his tail dangerously close to her before it veered harmlessly away from her. ? Please, show my soul mercy and leave, leave while you still can, escape my darkness.? The dragon?s body would begin to glow with a dark, inky-black aura as the darkness with in began to take control of his powers- One in particular, his ability to self-distruct.

    ? You can?t win little girl! I feel nothing!? The darkness snarled out from between sharp fangs the tail again slashing out toward the Goddess. ? You will not win! I swear to it!?

    She snickered pursing her lips, but she didn?t even bother to argue with the darkness anymore, after all bragging was for fools and those of low self esteem of which she was neither. As she continued to form the silvery-white ball in her palms she dismissed it getting another idea. She pressed glowing fingers to her lips and urged them to glow with the same silvery-white light chuckling to herself. She shot the steel dragon a sharp, self-confident look before continuing her swift advancement toward him.

    " Fine." She purred out. " Think whatever you want, as long as it makes you happy for your last moments." The lips caught fire with the silvery glow and she smiled the smile of a predator stalking it's pray in the jungle. " However, you will release my beloved Suchi. The Suchi that I love more than anything else in this world.? She then directed her voice to Suchi himself and not the darkness.

    " Suchi I know this is a hard thing to ask of you. I know you've been hurt badly and you fear putting your trust in anyone, but please, just this once- trust me and I'll never ask you to trust me ever again. I promise, just this once, put all your faith and trust in me. " She stopped in front of him, gazing deep into his eyes, seeming to see past the darkness to the person that lied within.

    The darkness seeing the change in the magic released an infuriated roar of anger and hate. A look of deep suspicion crossed the face of the dragon a snarl parting from his maw as he raised a taloned hand to swipe at Olividar. ? What- What are you up to you vile creature of light. What is it you intend to do?? Another swipe of large steel claws barely missing the young woman as she dodged out of the way releasing a hiss of her own.

    Olividar stepped in front of the attacking dragon, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him gently. " Suchi, I need you to change for me. Don?t worry about me; I can take care of myself. Change to feline form so that I can access you much easier than in this, huge, overwhelming form. Please, just do this for me and I'll take care of all the rest. " She smiled softly at him, tears filling her eyes, as snow-white wings spread from her back. She truly did look like what she was, a tall, beautiful goddess with the face of an angel and a heart bigger than anything most had ever seen. She splayed her fingertips along his back murmuring softly. " Here, let me help you."

    Suchi gathered his powers deep within himself picturing himself in the form that she asked. It was causing him a huge amount of pain to go against the will of the darkness, but if this is what Oli wanted then this is what he?d try his very best to do. It would be nice if she just left, but judging from that stubborn glint in the beautiful blue-green eyes of hers, she was mind set on doing this and wasn?t going anywhere until the job was done. Please leave. He thought to himself as his form continued to shift and change the darkness within howling with fury and clawing at his soul. This is what she wants. This is what I?ll do. I will do this, for my Mistress.

    The energy around herself intensified as she climbed into the male felines lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist, and her head tilted to speak softly into his ear. " I wont go because I love you, you should have figured that out by now. " She smiled brightly, and encouragingly, before hissing out: " You know what you talk to damn much."

    She pressed her lips to his in a deep kiss, and everywhere her skin touched his body she sent horrendous amounts of white energy deep inside his body to attack the darkness. " I will show you why I wont leave you,? she whispered against his lips. "Sense you cant seem to understand English." She pressed her forehead to his smiling slightly. " I will show you how you look through my eyes."

    She held him more tightly to her sending various images into his mind. The day she first brought him from the pen. How sad and alone he seemed, him being a nuisance about getting out of the pen and her being equally stubborn. " Do you remember that?" she asked him from deep in his mind. " You were such a nuisance, or what about the time I took you home and you insisted on staying several hundred feet from me or what about that stupid little sex insistence that I told you about that one day that you've kept in your head ever since. Do you remember the first time you saw each of my children, especially my daughters Vorstellen and Aloura. Do you remember my fan clubs of men, and all my other slaves? Remember how you always insisted you where useless and I got annoyed with you? Do you remember Suchi?"

    Suchi, winced in pain as the white energy came rushing through him in intense floods of power, the pain was intense, but he held on tightly to her half afraid to let go absorbing her warmth for comfort. He whispered weakly against her ear after break their kiss his body convulsing slightly. ? M- m- mistress,? he gasped, ? It it hurts.? He whispered weakly.

    Olividar bit her tongue from the effort sending even more intense floods of energy into his body, sending it crashing like white colored waves a of a Tsunami. ? I?m sorry.? She whispered back. ? I?m sorry it hurts, but I?m afraid it?s necessary. Hold on to me, hold on to me tight, it?ll be alright Suchi.

    Suchi shuddered, a scream ripping from his maw from the darkness deep within. The darkness would slowly begin to fade, sealed away by the light. ? O- o- Oli I love you, and thank you for not abandoning me even though it was really in your best interest.? Suddenly the felines head dropped to the girl?s shoulder as he passed out. His breathing faded then halted all together, body completely limp, his heartbeat stopped, and his pulse tampered off to nothing.

    Oli?s eyes widened in horror as she took it all in tears poor from her eyes. ? Suchi?? Shje grabbed his limp form and shook him hard. ? Suchi?!? She slapped his face several times over with no response: she checked for his, pulse, his heartbeat, his breathing all which came back to her negative. She released him his body dropping to the floor on one of the arena pillows that rested around the area that marked the ring.

    ? Suchi!! Suuuuuchhhhhiiiiiii!!!? She cried, out falling unto his chest as the tears flowed like waterfalls down her cheeks and unto his body. She screamed in screamed agonized in human sounds coming from her as she clutched his shirt sobbing to it. ? Oh my God! What have I done! What have I done. Suchi why? Why? This is my fault; I must?ve given him to much energy. Suchi, I?m so sorry please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you not even for a moment, not even for a breath. MOTHER, AUNTIE! Why didn?t you stop me?! Why? Why?? With each word she pounded on his chest her tears still pouring down her face.

    She reached down and grabbed his body holding it to her chest burying her face into his shoulder continuing to sob and cry. I?m such a fool. What was I thinking? Assuming I could do a spell of this size with such weak knowledge of my powers, and now you?re paying for my foolishness Suchi. I?m sorry so sorry my darling. She gently stroked his cheek, resting her upper body against his chest and cried herself to sleep.

    ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

    Suchi began to come to several hours later, silver eyes opening to reveal the situation as best he could with the dead wait on his chest. He glanced downward catching a lifesize glimpse of his mistress lying sprawled across his chest. He gently raised his hand to stroke her cheek as he carefully examined her cheeks from his vantage point. Carefully, he sat up repositioning her in his arms, she?d been crying it seemed. He wondered why? Why would she cry for someone as worthless as him?

    He shifted a bit more to the side gently placing her in the crook of his arm. ?Oli.? H called softly against her ear. ? Hey, Oli wake up? Why wont you wake up?? He carefully got to his feet and teleported them both to her bedroom on the far side of the immense realms. She had her own personal mansion for when she wasn?t attending to her royal duties located many miles away from her Palace.

    In front of her bedroom door, he placed his palm face down on the rose emblem on the door giving it time to register him before he pushed the door opened. The last thing he wanted to do was get attacked by her security system and risk accidentally dropping her. Not many people could get into her bedroom, which made his job of protecting her all that much easier.

    He stepped inside the room relocking the door and walked along the black tiled walkway with sunflowers and white lilies strewn together on either side until he finally entered her room. Inside where to pools of water of light colored water, which she normally used to bathe, placed on the left and right sides of her room the left one was the one he headed for now.

    He had seen from past experiences in the room that the waters had healing powers, which he hoped would help him now. Oli, had found a slave that had been badly beaten, and scarred that she had command her slaves to undress and then proceeded to deep the naked man in the water. His wounds had been immediately healed and with each dip in the pool the kitsune?s scars began to fade until they were nothing.

    Suchi carefully dipped his mistress in the pool silk gown and all. He hoped she wouldn?t get angry with him for soaking it the gown looked extremely expensive, but he didn?t dare violate his mistress by undressing him with such foul and unholy hands. ?Mistress.? He called softly. ? Mistress are you ok? Are you awake? Mistress?? He grinned when her eyes seem to flutter a bit. ? Mistress??

    ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

    Olividar opened her eyes to see the sight of the person she never thought she?d see again. ? Suchi?? She whispered weakly horse from all her crying her energy completely drained from the use of that incredible spell. ? Suchi, is that you??

    ? Yes, Mistress it is I.?

    Oli?s eyes opened wider and a weak smile split her face. It was the voice of the person she thought she?d never hear or see again. She raised her hand to gently squeeze his arm before fainting yet again. Seeing that he was alive and well was enough for now, right now she was tired. ? I love you.? She whispered weakly, before going completely limp again. Thank you Mother, Auntie, thank you for this one true blessing.
  2. OP

    xoyoungdreamerox OMG Member

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    Hi, everyone! It's finally done thank god!!!! Phew what work! I hope you all enjoy this version and please feel free to tell me which one you like better. I hope this is more fitting to your expectations, and I hope you have fun with it.I look forward to comments and suggestions. ^.^
  3. Pyro

    Pyro OMG Member

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    I finally read it over. I appologize it took so long. Hopefully the waiting time will be far less in the future. The first thing I noticed was your word choice, and general writing style. I love it. I really like the way you write, the flow, the word choice, everything. It works so well together, and I think this story really allows it to shine. However, on the opposite side of the spectrum after reading it over I'm still a bit worried about the general storyline. It seems like there's something I'm missing, as if perhaps this is actually part of a book and this is just a brief excerpt. The story seems like it belongs in a novel, and not as a story on it's own. I do see the storyline, but I think this would be far far better as a novel instead of a short story. The thing that stands out is your writing style and your writing skill in general, but somehow I don't think you executed very well on the story itself. It just seems like it's Girl discovers dragon is acting strangely, girl saves dragon, girl almost kills dragon, girl is happy dragon is still alive. I know it's far more complex than that, but somehow the storyline itself leaves me thinking, "...what?". It just still seems there's a lot more to the story you're not telling us, but I'm not too sure.

    Those are my comments on the story. Hopefully some more writers will spring up and comment on this, because it's brilliantly written (and I do mean that. On writing itself, it's one of the best I've seen) and my major gripe is the storyline.

    Thanks for being a member of Writers Hangout, and I do appologize for my slow reaction time. Hopefully when you submit things in the future, I won't be so slow to the draw ;)

  4. Madigan

    Madigan OMG Member

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    I have to agree with Midnight on this one. It is a beautiful story.
    And it does sound like it is part of a bigger story. It would be interesting to read the complete story of how the two met and came to be so close.
    Keep up the good work!
    Looking forward to reading more.;)
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