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This is not good-bye, this is an apology

Discussion in 'Players Lobby' started by Vloop, Oct 16, 2019.

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  1. Vloop

    Vloop Well-Known Member Donator

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    I am Rodolfo, 43 years old, Brazilian, oldest son of three, depressive, anxious, smoker, obsessive compulsive, inflicted with an uncurable disease since 2002 and with a huge tendency to cause drama.

    I invested all I had in a business that I thought would bring me happiness and it didn't happen. People - my clients - have killed and burried what's most precious in me: my happiness and my tolerance. I am moving to another town, in other state, to be as far as possible from this business of mine that has caused me nothing but pain and trauma for the last two years. Leaving everything in the venue behind - not only all the objects I bought but also my dog, without asking for any amount of money in return - in the hands of someone who is a certain stranger and will only think of money and will not care for my dog.

    All this - specially the anxiety and the depression - have been blinding my judgement at a point that made my childish behaviour surface and caused me an immense innability to analyze... And I hurt someone who is very special to me. I never wanted to cause this, and I apologize.

    I apologize for being rude and childish. I apologize for not listening and judging things without taking my best friend's side into consideration, taking me to a point on where I touched delicate issues. I apologize for this very apology that sounds like I'm making a huge drama out of it. And I apologize that I'm taking a break.

    I am not leaving, I am not disappearing - not until my life ends or an intense job takes my energies away. My future is uncertain and for the fourth time in my life I am afraid to a level that caused me exhaustion. My life changed when I was 24, when the doctor said I had a disease. My life changed when I was 27, when I was invited to leave own home by my mother's former husband. My life changed when I left São Paulo, where I lived and succeeded for seven years. And my life is changing now, when I am being compelled by rotten clients to leave all I have behind.

    My judgement is obscured, my heart is wound, my soul is afraid... And I badly hurt someone yesterday. I'm not mad at anyone but myself, and I hope that all of you guys, a family I chose to share the best moments in these last couple of years, can understand that I do need a break, until I can get myself, my feelings, my judgement, organized and cleared out.

    I will be back! I am not abandoning my favorite server, the place I would like to have my conciousness, my soul, my very own being transformed into bits and bytes and remain there forever so I can be with you forever. I will be coming back! As soon as I stop being childish and causing unecessary drama.

    I love you all, and please, love each other!!! <3
     
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  2. Floris

    Floris I'm just me :) Hi. Staff Member

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    Hey Rodolfo,

    Thank you for letting us know that you're struggling with life changes and choices. It's not easy stepping into the unknown and any person would be stressed and have anxiety. It must be especially tough on you.

    Don't let the past decide how the next change is going to be, you're making a move, and you'll find out it will be awesome to move to a new place. Even though it will take some getting used to once you're there.

    We're all glad to hear you're not disappearing forever, because I am confident as friends we at least keep in touch. And once you're settled down a bit you will know what you can do with your free time, even if it is just to say hello to us.

    Best of luck with your upcoming journey and share a few pictures of the new city!

    Kindest regards,
     
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  3. Roberto

    Roberto OMG Member

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    Stress can be a butt kicker. Don't let it win! It's good to take a break and find some peace so you're ready for the big move.
     
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  4. Nix

    Nix Just a little crazy!! Staff Member

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    @Vloop

    Sorry to hear you are going through a few stresses in life at the moment. I appreciate things can be tough sometimes especially when you have physical and/or mental health issues going on. Sometimes it is for the best to step back from various situations to re-assess or just gain some peace and clarity on life and what is actually important and what is not so much. When you have things going on it is difficult to distance yourself from situations/drama but it sounds like stepping back for a little bit is what you're planning on doing and I hope you find the peace you need right now for the move and for daily life. I wish you well and see you soon <3
     
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  5. BlueRose_MadMan

    BlueRose_MadMan OMG Member

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    be safe vloop
     
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