The boring thread of: I have to really clean a few things (part 2)
- Thread starter Floris
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Progress is going slow, but there is progress!
Clothes have been put away, washing up is on going!
Did end up going out, paid a bill and posted a card. Just having a cuppa and some lunch now, will get more washing up done before I go to work
Clothes have been put away, washing up is on going!
Did end up going out, paid a bill and posted a card. Just having a cuppa and some lunch now, will get more washing up done before I go to work
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Well, got bad news today. So, eh .. I will have to ignore working on the apartment and I will meet up with my good friend depression and we will stay up all night together with insomnia. Imagine that, me sleeping 3 nights with around 5 hours, i knew it wouldn't last.
I gave up in 2019, i gave up in 2020, I gave up earlier this year, and now i dunno why i wouldn't ..
At what point does it break me when i can't climb out of negative thoughts anymore?
I can't believe my brother enjoys ruining our lives like this.
I gave up in 2019, i gave up in 2020, I gave up earlier this year, and now i dunno why i wouldn't ..
At what point does it break me when i can't climb out of negative thoughts anymore?
I can't believe my brother enjoys ruining our lives like this.
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Sigh, i really don't know why this just doesn't end, why it doesn't resolve, why it just keeps getting worser and worser until something breaks.
I dont want to be negative, i fight so hard inside my mind to stay positive and move forward and after any sort of progress i just get kicked down again .. im sorry for dumping this here, but.. i dont know why i keep trying- it clearly won't ever end.
I dont want to be negative, i fight so hard inside my mind to stay positive and move forward and after any sort of progress i just get kicked down again .. im sorry for dumping this here, but.. i dont know why i keep trying- it clearly won't ever end.
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Thursday,
I couldn't sleep, depressing feelings and anger get to me, I couldn't shake it. I had to cancel my voice call with the lawyer but we keep in touch via email. I can't imagine why someone goes out of their way to be this difficult in life.. sigh
Since I am up now, emailed and found a bottle to remove clogs in sinks etc. I have emptied it in all the four locations and leaving it for 30 minutes. Which I use to gather up hot and warm and cold water to rinse things out in a bit.
And writing this here..
And i have opened up the doors to the balcony and the frontdoor to create a draft and get rid of any fumes.
I've gathered up some trash and thought about what i no longer want to do in life. And how i can fight for that, even though i already know i will not get what i want anymore - it seems i am doomed for just suffering and enduring the bullshit others throw my way.
Anyway, it's been 15 minutes, time to rinse out 1 and then slowly finish this unclogging job. It's not bad, it flows, but it's somewhat slow and this hsould get rid of any organics and crap, so hopefully things flow better after this and this opened bottle isn't slowly causing issues as it ages.
I couldn't sleep, depressing feelings and anger get to me, I couldn't shake it. I had to cancel my voice call with the lawyer but we keep in touch via email. I can't imagine why someone goes out of their way to be this difficult in life.. sigh
Since I am up now, emailed and found a bottle to remove clogs in sinks etc. I have emptied it in all the four locations and leaving it for 30 minutes. Which I use to gather up hot and warm and cold water to rinse things out in a bit.
And writing this here..
And i have opened up the doors to the balcony and the frontdoor to create a draft and get rid of any fumes.
I've gathered up some trash and thought about what i no longer want to do in life. And how i can fight for that, even though i already know i will not get what i want anymore - it seems i am doomed for just suffering and enduring the bullshit others throw my way.
Anyway, it's been 15 minutes, time to rinse out 1 and then slowly finish this unclogging job. It's not bad, it flows, but it's somewhat slow and this hsould get rid of any organics and crap, so hopefully things flow better after this and this opened bottle isn't slowly causing issues as it ages.
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watered the plants,
spoke with lawyer again, guess we're scaling up to an attorney now. sure why not.. free money for everybody - just not me, ill be the one who wont survive this.
i thought when youre fucking parents die you are supposed to be sad and miss them, instead of dealing with this terror
spoke with lawyer again, guess we're scaling up to an attorney now. sure why not.. free money for everybody - just not me, ill be the one who wont survive this.
i thought when youre fucking parents die you are supposed to be sad and miss them, instead of dealing with this terror
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Rinsed out everything, i think it might have made it worse for one of them, so adding pretty warm water to that a few times throughout the day. hopefully it helped with the rest.
at least things are cleaner now haha
trash collected, ready to be thrown out. shame i can't include certain ppl with that trash.
I've discussed the inheritance bullshit with legal today and will discuss things with my sister tonight or tomorrow so we're on the same page again. For now, ill try to let it go.
I realised i didn't eat yesterday and then ordered chicken at 3 am .. and then didn't eat today and only had 4 espressos Maybe ill have a sadwich i dunno.
at least things are cleaner now haha
trash collected, ready to be thrown out. shame i can't include certain ppl with that trash.
I've discussed the inheritance bullshit with legal today and will discuss things with my sister tonight or tomorrow so we're on the same page again. For now, ill try to let it go.
I realised i didn't eat yesterday and then ordered chicken at 3 am .. and then didn't eat today and only had 4 espressos Maybe ill have a sadwich i dunno.
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Friday.
I tried my best to sleep okay. Not feeling so great mentally. I have no solution for my situation.
I gathered up the trash in the kitchen, I didn't go downstairs to throw trash out.
Cleaned coffee mokka pot, and put some of the dishes away.
Emptied the dryer and started laundry.
I tried my best to sleep okay. Not feeling so great mentally. I have no solution for my situation.
I gathered up the trash in the kitchen, I didn't go downstairs to throw trash out.
Cleaned coffee mokka pot, and put some of the dishes away.
Emptied the dryer and started laundry.
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Emptied dishwasher, put more dishes in, wiped off the surface of the kitchen sink area, and cleaned toilet, and gathered up some laundry.
I just woke up, I feel rather broken. We will figure out how much motivation I can find.
I just woke up, I feel rather broken. We will figure out how much motivation I can find.
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Sunday
I tried my best to stay asleep the longest I could. Backpain now though haha.
Cleaned the sink, emptied dishwasher, put new dishes in and started it.
Wiped off surface areas in the kitchen and gathered up the trash (will throw out soon)
I have to order groceries, i have a date for monday morning, but we will see if i still have that avialable.
Put bi blanket in the washing machine and it's in the dryer now.
Opened door to air out apartment.
Relaxed a bit, had coffee, forgot to have breakfast. But I have pizza, so airfryer that on 6 minutes at 150 in a little bit for lunch
I tried my best to stay asleep the longest I could. Backpain now though haha.
Cleaned the sink, emptied dishwasher, put new dishes in and started it.
Wiped off surface areas in the kitchen and gathered up the trash (will throw out soon)
I have to order groceries, i have a date for monday morning, but we will see if i still have that avialable.
Put bi blanket in the washing machine and it's in the dryer now.
Opened door to air out apartment.
Relaxed a bit, had coffee, forgot to have breakfast. But I have pizza, so airfryer that on 6 minutes at 150 in a little bit for lunch
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2:30am, i better go to bed ..
Washed my blanket, only to find out i forgot to add the soap. so .. i "washed" it but it's a bit musky now. haha. I will just endure it and sleep - it's cleaner than it went in, but when i wake up ill throw it back in and add soap this time, rolleyes.
throughout the day i've gotten up and moved things around, tried to keep the desk, kitchen etc tidy and empty, so i dotn fall behind.
Washed my blanket, only to find out i forgot to add the soap. so .. i "washed" it but it's a bit musky now. haha. I will just endure it and sleep - it's cleaner than it went in, but when i wake up ill throw it back in and add soap this time, rolleyes.
throughout the day i've gotten up and moved things around, tried to keep the desk, kitchen etc tidy and empty, so i dotn fall behind.
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Tuesday.
I have a meet tonight, and i have legal in the morning, it's now midday, I have time to do something. Which will be minecraft and offline stuff.
Server-management is done, i can ignore it now. offline is left.
I've emptied 50% of dishwasher and gathered the trash and threw it out.
Dryer is empty, and a blanket is in the washing machine and i can throw it in the dryer later.
Why is doing anything while fighting depression so difficult, doing things is super easy, it takes 5 minutes, but it feels like i am walking around with a boulder on my shoulder. I guess I will keep trying? I gave up on life basically, but .. i guess ill keep trying.
Maybe ill dust the computer and kitchen table off in a bit, and see what i can do with a single box, or go check some mail
I have a meet tonight, and i have legal in the morning, it's now midday, I have time to do something. Which will be minecraft and offline stuff.
Server-management is done, i can ignore it now. offline is left.
I've emptied 50% of dishwasher and gathered the trash and threw it out.
Dryer is empty, and a blanket is in the washing machine and i can throw it in the dryer later.
Why is doing anything while fighting depression so difficult, doing things is super easy, it takes 5 minutes, but it feels like i am walking around with a boulder on my shoulder. I guess I will keep trying? I gave up on life basically, but .. i guess ill keep trying.
Maybe ill dust the computer and kitchen table off in a bit, and see what i can do with a single box, or go check some mail
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Don't forget to relax a little on the no-work hours. Work on being happy, I miss being happy.
And yeh, I've done a few things offline this morning, but I am fighting my depression, it's so difficult at the moment. I am trying the little things so. I don't fall behind. I really wish this crap with my brother was over already. All these false accusations and threatening legal letters .. it's not worth anymore to be alive. Not when it's under his tyranny and all I can do is the dishes again .. etc. How is any of this normal.
Sigh. Well, ill go spend my day crying and hurting and suffering again. While I put trash in the trash, laundry in the washing machine and make it turn into tomorrow where I am sure things will escalate yet again.
And yeh, I've done a few things offline this morning, but I am fighting my depression, it's so difficult at the moment. I am trying the little things so. I don't fall behind. I really wish this crap with my brother was over already. All these false accusations and threatening legal letters .. it's not worth anymore to be alive. Not when it's under his tyranny and all I can do is the dishes again .. etc. How is any of this normal.
Sigh. Well, ill go spend my day crying and hurting and suffering again. While I put trash in the trash, laundry in the washing machine and make it turn into tomorrow where I am sure things will escalate yet again.
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Update.
Put trash in the trash, ill go downstairs and throw it all out - so i get some fresh air.
Emptied dishwasher and put new stuff in, it wasn't full but i started it anyway.
Cleaned coffee mokka pot.
Walked around my apartment aimlessly.
Moved a thing around and i think i like it where it is now more than where it was.
There's so much dust everywhere, sigh.
Gathered up some laundry, also not much but ill just run it, my water bill probably goes up like crazy, sigh
I will leave the door open for 15 minutes to air out the apartment.
Had a shower before I went to bed, don't feel like having one now.
I wish this wasn't my life, I really wish I had lower morals and standards and left my family decades ago and could have a regular job or even part time job so I could leave the country and live in denmark or something far away from all this unhappiness.
Put trash in the trash, ill go downstairs and throw it all out - so i get some fresh air.
Emptied dishwasher and put new stuff in, it wasn't full but i started it anyway.
Cleaned coffee mokka pot.
Walked around my apartment aimlessly.
Moved a thing around and i think i like it where it is now more than where it was.
There's so much dust everywhere, sigh.
Gathered up some laundry, also not much but ill just run it, my water bill probably goes up like crazy, sigh
I will leave the door open for 15 minutes to air out the apartment.
Had a shower before I went to bed, don't feel like having one now.
I wish this wasn't my life, I really wish I had lower morals and standards and left my family decades ago and could have a regular job or even part time job so I could leave the country and live in denmark or something far away from all this unhappiness.
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- Jan 1, 2001
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- 60,182
Update on Wednesday.
My morning blues have calmed down, I have eaten stuff, had coffee, and feel less tired. Hopefully if the world stops giving me bad news I can have a nicer afternoon and evening putting these thoughts besides me.
Laundry should be done soon. I will put it in the dryer.
Trash will be moved downstairs soon.
Dishwasher is done, I will open it to up and slowly throughout the day empty it.
I've got the swiffer as we call this mop thing and did the livingroom and kitchen and hallway floor really quick, so any debris , dust and hairs etc are at least less.
Played hayday for an hour and put my phone on silent
My morning blues have calmed down, I have eaten stuff, had coffee, and feel less tired. Hopefully if the world stops giving me bad news I can have a nicer afternoon and evening putting these thoughts besides me.
Laundry should be done soon. I will put it in the dryer.
Trash will be moved downstairs soon.
Dishwasher is done, I will open it to up and slowly throughout the day empty it.
I've got the swiffer as we call this mop thing and did the livingroom and kitchen and hallway floor really quick, so any debris , dust and hairs etc are at least less.
Played hayday for an hour and put my phone on silent
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