I solved christmas, will order dinner for myself - and instead of not celebrating it at all on my own, I will be having a 100% offline day - day off, where I cook myself dinner and enjoy 'christmas', maybe it's time for a different mindset and just realise I can perhaps have my own chirstmas, without others. And then my sister invited me, will be going to her on 26th for a chrsitmas dinner. She said she had gifts, I said I was broke, but gave her 20 bucks to help out with paying for gas to pick me up, to get dinner ingredients, and so I don't feel guilty for not having a gift, DONE..i can let that go mentally as well and just enjoy that day too.
And that's probably all I will do for Christmas, besides watching die hard of course, and having rum in my hot chocolate.