I just wanted to post separately that thanks to this thread and the help from Nixxy in Facetime chats and some other things, that I feel more content with the state of my apartment. I no longer get anxiety attacks when I hear someone say "Okay, we meet at your place next Thursday?" .. because I wouldn't know how to get my apartment ready within a week. Now I can last-minute clean and tidy and things are 'fine enough', and with all the extra time it will be a bit better than fine.
- Windows: finally better inside and out.
Do they still need to continue to get done? of course, it's fall, they are already getting dirtier.. But they look better than both my neighbours,so ..
- Hallways: finally no mess, and things are in their place, way less dusty.
Do they still need new paint and what not? Yes, the floor needs to be cleaned better and the walls need new paint, but it's fine. Planned after the rent ppl do the bathroom/toiletroom renovation. Both hallways are in the same condition, and both fine actually. Super easy to clean/dust now.
- Living room: The state it was in, embarrassing.. and it took a few years to get to where it is now. But it is fine as it is now. Cozy, I don't feel uncomfortable showing it to people anymore.
Does it need decorating? Yes, I need to put more things on the wall, I have things to fix, there are spots that need paint. etc. But I have that planned for 2022/2023 and made plans to get help for it. Which I am comfortable asking now.
- Kitchen: Oh boy, this was .. I always hoped they wouldn't see certain things and that visually getting away with a quick visit was good enough. And now I am on top of it.
Does it need a lot more work? Yes, kinda. I still want to remove some things, ask them to discuss renovating (they said no for 2021). And I have some pointing to do, proper cleaning in ceiling, and the curtain rails need fixing. I have made plans to really work on that in 2022. It doesn't feel impossible anymore.
- Bathroom: Sigh, still not great, but already 50% better than it was before. It is manageable now. I don't have to keep the door closed anymore when people show up.
Am I still working on it? Yes, I need it to get to a certain point before they come and renovate it. And I really am looking forward to the renovation.
- Toilet room: the same as bathroom, but less work.
Needs work? Same as above, but, I need a new toilet seat.
- Storage room: Was a huge mess, it's more organized now. I can show it to people, and people can get into it who need to read meter numbers.
Does it need work? Yes! It has things that need to be thrown out, sold, given away, and I need to better organize what's now organized in boxes. So it's less of a tetris puzzle when I Need to grab something.
- Smallest room: This was just dirty, dusty, unused, and had cat things in it. I mentally couldn't deal with it after the loss of my cat. But over time I did more and more.
Does it need work? It's completely cleaned this year, and I moved my stuff into it, and then filled it top to bottom with boxes from the farm. It is fine, I can show people again that I have that room, it's clean, etc. I just need to really organize those boxes.
- Small room: This was equally dirt, dust, etc. and had things that i threw in there when ppl came over just to get it out of sight. Now I have worked hard on it to clean and paint it.
Does it need work? YesNo, maybe.. I painted one wall, cleaned it top to bottom, and got storage boxes and then filled it up with the 2nd batch of stuff from the farm. It has clean and dirty farm boxes that need to get organized, but it's fine. The room is fine. I can show people and not worry about it. It's just a lot of stuff and I need to organize it. It felt impossible like the smallest room, but I did it, and I made huge progress. I can be proud of myself (sorry if that sounds selfish, it was a HUGE mental block)
- Bedroom: I neglected it during depression, I just came in, lay down, wake up, walk out the room and once in a while washed my stuff. I didn't do the floor, below the bed, the walls, the closets, etc. I had to fight hard to get to where it is now.
Does it need work? Yes, oh god, it's the worst room still. Just due to lack of space. I run out of space in the other two small rooms to store farm things and needed to use the bedroom closet. Which I mind and don't mind. The chairs I had no space for are dumped in there too. So again I cannot clean the floor properly etc. But it's 80% cleaner, 50% less dust, and windows are done for once. It needs work, I need to find the time to turn 3 broken chairs into 1 or 2 working ones, and move boxes from the closet into just one closet or the other room. Make space, just so I can organize things and better clean stuff. I got a big expensive mattress last year so sleep is less painful. But the bed is still hell. Who knows, once the room is ready I can empty it 100% and move a new bed in, and finally feel happy about the bedroom again. I dont want to show it to people now.
- Balcony (outside): Finally, progress. I ignored it, it got dirty from the weather and neglect, but I made sure the windows and wood got fixed, that the fence stuff was sorted. All broken and rotting wood is removed and while it looks uglier it's better. Nixxy gave me balcony lights, and I bought rugs for the floor. And I got a new balcony table. It really helped. It's nowhere near as nice as Emily for example has it, but who knows. This Spring I might have a $250 budget for her and just let her decorate it for the Spring/Summer/Fall, and make the most of 2022. But I can go on there with people, I am not ashamed anymore of the crap there.
- Frontside apartment (outside): Not much needed to be done here, but the wood, windows needed cleaning. this is now done.
More to do? Yes, upkeep it, and figure out what needs fixing. Maybe talk to housing corp about fixing some of the wood that I am not allowed to touch or better isolate certain spots. But they will need access to the bedroom, so bedroom has a higher priority.
All in all, on a scale from 1 (worst) to 5 (omg wow) the quality of my apartment dropped to 2 during depression and with the first thread I made it go up to 3 again. The 2nd thread and despite all the negativity, I got it to 3.5 and recently a 4. And now in this thread I am trying to keep it at a 3,5 / 4 rating.
Hopefully in 2022 it is still at least a 3.5 on the 1-5 rating, and then with the renovations and some outside help to fix things, and help to clean things, that I have time to organize more boxes, and work on the bedroom and the balcony. Slowly getting to a 4, where i Hope I can stay in Summer 2022 and then the whole of 2023. It will be a nice stepping stone to more happiness and being ok living here in an older flat for another five to ten years. Who knows..
Even though it takes years, it is nice that what feels impossible ends up as 'wait, am i motivated to keep going?' .. every day doing even a few things leads up to 150+ days of having done something at least.. And it's starting to show.
Now to relax, I'll do washing up later but I'm so tired now and I ache from walking everywhere which I'm not used to doing that much plus I got blisters
lol
